Why You Should Not Ghost Out of Relationships

My story “Demon Lover” is about fading away. To be precise, it is about a man who simply fades out of the relationship without informing his distraught girlfriend that he has changed his mind and is no longer interested in a romantic relationship with her. To make matters worse, he makes it appear as if it is all her fault. When I wrote this story several years ago, I had no idea about the phenomenon of “fading away” or “ghosting away,” as it is also called.

ghostI would like to make it quite clear that I don’t feel excited about writing dating articles, especially as I do not play the dating game and never have. I am writing this article simply because I want to create awareness.

Understand that there is a something called “ghosting away” or “fading away” in a romantic relationship, especially if that relationship started online.

You meet this fabulous stranger online (or in real life). You feel the sparks flying between you and they are so powerful that you stay away from inflammable material out of fear of setting things on fire.

You just cannot have enough of each other and spend all your free time texting each other. You just cannot stop thinking about each other and keep telling each other all those lovely things you have always longed to say and hear. You exchange intimate details of your life, those details you wouldn’t share even with your best friend. You feel this is true love. You feel blessed and lucky. And then you meet. You meet again and again and again.

And then it happens! Your partner starts fading out of your life. He/she turns into a ghost that slowly vanishes into nothingness. It happens so slowly that you hardly realize it.

Your partner, who used to send you hundreds of text messages, now sends just ten. To make matters worse, this number gets smaller as the days pass. You go nuts waiting for his/her messages and keep checking the phone like one possessed. At the same time, you try to be “nice and understanding.” Although you are hurting, you tell yourself: “Of course, the poor lambkin is busy with work. His boss is such an a**h***. He is having issues with his wife and kids. On top of that, he has financial problems and is grappling with a variety of mental and physical disorders.”

Stop kidding yourself! It is as clear as daylight that you are being ghosted. If your partner was once capable of texting you or calling you or meeting you, he/she is still capable of it. He/she has ample time.

The simple truth is that your partner is “trying to be nice to you” by slowly fading out of your life instead of telling you in a straightforward manner that he/she is no longer interested in being in a relationship with you.

walking-2Unfortunately, you do not get this message before you have gone through a lot of heartache, stress, and pain. You feel: “Why hasn’t he/she responded to my text messages? Did I hurt him/her? Did I say or do something wrong?” You fret and fume and grit your teeth and weep. You go mad checking your phone again and again and again for a message from him/her, a message that never arrives or arrives once in a blue moon.

It is precisely for this reason that the slow fade is one of the worst things one human being can do to another.

Are you a victim of fading away or ghosting?

Relax! You are not alone.

No, nothing is wrong with you. You are still the awesome, wonderful, intelligent, smart, good-looking person you always were and always will be.

You see, it is not you, it is him/her. Your partner feels that you are not good enough for him, but that is not your fault.

Then why are you being treated in this filthy way? Well, that’s because you unwittingly gave your heart away to a person who is not worthy of you, a person who has not yet grown up, a person who is not emotionally mature, a person who mistakenly believes that he/she is doing the right thing by slowly fading out of your life without telling you frankly that he/she wants out of the relationship, a person who feels that you will get the message if he/she just slow fades out of your life, a person who doesn’t realize that he/she is making you miserable.

Boot him/her out of your life and move on. Remember that you are the most important person in your life, not him/her.

Hey, are you trying to fade out of a relationship?

Don’t do it!

If you were man/woman enough to text for hours, meet someone, tell someone that “you couldn’t have enough of him/her,” hot chat online for hours, go on dates with someone, take vacations with someone, have sex with someone, and give someone the impression that you are seriously considering him/her for a long-term romantic relationship before you realize that this is not the “real thing,” you might as well behave like an adult and tell that someone frankly that you have changed your mind.

And when you do it, do not blame him/her because you know very well that you are the one who has undergone a change of mind. Simply write a nice little email or send a text or call the person and say that you want out because you are looking for something else.

Just stop being such an immature coward, cut out that fading away act, and just say that you are no longer interested. You can rest assured that your partner won’t assault you for it. On the contrary, he/she will appreciate you for being honest and will not spend the rest of his/her life thinking that you are a cowardly jerk.

If you want to know more about “fading away” and why it should not be done, check out the following articles.

The Man Vanishes

Think You’re Being Nice by Slowly Fading Away? You’re Not.

5 Reasons Not To Slow Fade Your New Relationship

Generation Ghost: the Facts Behind the Slow Fade

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8 thoughts on “Why You Should Not Ghost Out of Relationships

  1. strong and true words. However, we are all flawed and choose all different kinds of ways to end relationships. Though I honestly believe there are worse ways, like starting an affair, using violence, intimidation, manipulation etc when your partner wants to leave. Ghosting might be coward and not very dignified but at least it’s soft and often the one left behind just doesn’t want to see the writing on the wall. Let’s bear in mind, it takes two to tango.
    have a lovely week,
    Dagmar

    Liked by 1 person

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