The Perfect Egg

img_0450I am not the perfect mother. So far, I have never been able to cook the perfect egg for you. In fact, we have had countless egg-related fights.

Today, wonder of wonders, I finally succeeded in cooking the perfect egg. Save the date—21 January, 2017. I actually fried an egg and you ate it without complaining. So I decided to celebrate it by creating a blog post.

 

Just look at all those egg fights we have had over the years.

*****

Me: Shall I boil an egg for you?

You: No!

Me: Why not? What’s wrong with eggs? We all eat eggs here. Why shouldn’t you?

You: You eat if you want. I won’t!

Me: Seriously, you should have got a Hitler mother. I am too mild for you.

*****

You (walking into the kitchen): What are you doing?

Me: It’s actually none of your business.

You: Are you frying an egg?

Me (sighing): Yes

You: How are you going to crack it open?

Me: The way I usually do. Now get out of my way!

You: Don’t break it open with a knife like that. Make a small hole at the narrower end.

Me: I wish you would leave me alone when I am cooking.

You (raising your voice): NO! Don’t use the knife. Just make a small hole. I want the whole egg shell with just a small hole in it. I want to make a happy face.

Me (cursing myself for teaching you to make happy faces with egg shells): Here is your egg shell, you little brat! Now get out of the kitchen.

You (leaving the kitchen): And I don’t want fried eggs for breakfast today.

*****

You: What is this?

Me: What does it look like to you? Don’t they teach you anything in school?

You: I don’t want the yolk. I will eat only the white.hatching-chick-illustration

Me: What’s your problem, baby? What has the yolk done to you?

You: There is a baby in the egg yolk and I don’t want to hurt it by eating it.

Me (surprised witless): WHAT? A baby in the egg yolk?! Who told you that?

You: I know.

Me (feeling helpless): So why is there no baby in the white?

You: It’s only in the yolk. That’s why I am not eating it.

*****

You: What are you doing?

Me: I am frying eggs.

You: I won’t eat it. I wanted it poached.

*****

You: What are you doing?

Me: I am poaching eggs.

You: I won’t eat it. I wanted it fried.

*****

You: What are you doing?

Me: I am boiling eggs.

You: You are boiling eggs? But that’s so boring! I like only fried eggs and poached eggs.

*****

You: Are you frying the egg?

Me: Yes.

You: See that you don’t put the yolk in it.

Me (losing my temper): What do you mean you don’t want me to put the yolk in it? Why don’t you go and tell the chickens all over the world to lay eggs without yolks? Listen, I cannot remove the yolk. So you might as well shut up and eat whatever is put on your plate.

You: If you put the yolk in it, I won’t eat it.

Me: Don’t!

You: Ok then, don’t fry any egg for me!

*****

Me: Here is your fried egg! I have carefully removed the yolk from it and fried only the white. So shut up and eat it.

You: But this part of it looks yellow.

Me: (speechless)

You: I will give this yellow looking part to Nanna and eat only the white.

*****

You: Mamma, I want fried eggs.

Me: I have decided not to cook eggs anymore.

You: But why? I want fried eggs.

Me: Listen, you can have fried eggs provided you eat whatever I put on your plate. And don’t stand here when I am frying it.

You (staying right there): Mamma, be very careful while flipping it over. I don’t want the yolk to break and spread all over the white.

Me: Get out of my way! I can’t guarantee all that. So you will eat the yolk today?

You: Yes, but don’t break it. And it should be fried a little bit on the outside and raw on the inside.

*****

Me: Why aren’t you eating your egg?

You: It is all fried. I don’t like all fried eggs. I like the yolk to be just a little raw.

*****

January 21, 2017 (The Great Day)

You: What are you doing?

Me: I am frying an egg.

You: For whom?

Me: It’s for you. And you are shutting up and eating it.

You: Mamma, don’t break the yolk.

My hands shook slightly when I broke the egg on the hot pan. Fortunately, the yolk did not break. Since I am an atheist, I could not thank god. But I sure thanked my lucky stars.

You: Now Mamma, don’t flip it at all. Don’t flip it!

I carefully placed the half-fried egg, sunny side up on a plate and handed it to you. Peace reigned over the house for nearly five minutes as you ate your breakfast. And you actually ate it with your mouth shut. You ate the yolk as well as the white. I mean, you really ate the yolk as well as the white.

20151121_201320

I did not even dare to speak for fear of breaking the magic in the moment.

 

 

 

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